If you write something first-person present about your most traumatic moments that means you have to like walk back through all of them and relive all of them and describe them all and that has its dark moments. I wouldn’t have written a book if I didn’t have the parents that I have. Growing up in the east village there wasn’t a lot of food there wasn’t a lot of electricity but I don’t see myself as a victim and I don’t see it as something that I’m running around crying about. Sure, my parents had drug problems but like I was given by my parent’s a sense that my notion of myself was the most important thing and I lived as a boy for eight years as a kid and they respected who I told him that I was. They fucking nailed it on that front. You do shit way early when you grow up in New York. I was doing the New York thing, man. I was gonna like drink as much as I needed to every night and do whatever drugs I needed to get through the week and like just fucking keep on truckin’ because that’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to maintain. That’s New York that’s being tough blah blah fuck that shit. This feeling of panic started to hit me. My brain was telling me that I was a fraud that I wasn’t talented, I wasn’t gonna be able to make any money, and what it really came down to was that I wasn’t gonna be able to have a safe place to live. New York gave me everything all the good and the bad. I needed to leave for my own sanity. I came to LA and I didn’t intend to stay and then I went through the darkest period of my life. I basically was like all right I can either step out now or I can change everything and so I changed everything. I needed to have a place that was just mine, that was just about being quiet and not about being in the eye of the shit. The two things I did not have the house that I grew up in were space and quiet. I come from fucking third street in the Bowery and like why am I so into this shit, why do I feel so at home? But I do. I finally have a roof that no one can take away from me. I started writing my book proposal in the midst of that year of panic attacks I started to realize that I carry this profound discomfort around anything feminine. How does this match up with what I see in my head? It doesn’t. I saw myself as a dude and I always have seen myself as a dude, and I just never really took into account what that meant or that like I could do something about that, and would I want to do something about that? To permanently alter your body is a big thing. It’s an intense time to be inside my skin right now. This book is coming out, I’m flying to New York on Sunday, it’s like all of it is all so intertwined that it’s weird. This is my stomping ground like I mean like, we’re on the block I was born on. Today is a crazy moment in my life and it feels all like the sky is tingling. My whole life as long as I can remember I’ve always read books and I’ve always written and my favorite book store in New York has always always always always been The Strand Book Store and I have said to every person that would listen any person certainly that has loved me or been close to me in the last 10 years, I’ve told that if I ever walk into the strand bookstore and your book that I wrote sitting on the shelf I could die of happiness. And I’m pretty sure that’s about to happen. That’s my Ma. My Mom’s here. She’s gonna cry no matter what I read. I’m not gonna read the chapter that rips my mother’s heart out. Holy Shit..Yooooo! Hi Everybody. Uhhh…fucking A. Dropping her bags on the linoleum floor Ma grabs him by the shoulders. Don’t you ever touch my kid again. Not ever. Ever. These are the Darling Days when everything is all good and the beast is calm. What I want is people to read the book and reassess how they deal with the people that they care about the most, how they deal with themselves. Thank you so much, thank you so much. When you set a goal for yourself and you have a dream of something that you want to create and then that thing actually comes to life and it’s like a fucking object and it’s like hulking thing like you could knock somebody out with, you know. When you cross that threshold and then it’s out there and there’s like a little bit of postpartum where you’re like okay now I gotta figure out what’s next and I gotta figure out how to define myself not only as the creator of that thing but as a human being separate from it. The more that I’ve been through the more I see happiness as a point on a wave and it comes and then it goes and it comes and it goes and there is no like Valhalla of happiness, the fucking I have arrived in happiness, no. It’s okay to be in flux and figure it out and take your time to figure it out.